worry

Im worried. Granted I’m worried most of the time about something. But my main worry is that I’m not going to succeed in my weight loss goal/ my PCOS.

I decided to get a personal trainer, I love it! I’ve been seeing her for the past two weeks or so. I see her twice a week. It isn’t the cheapest at $70 a session, but I figure Id rather spend my money on a personal trainer than random objects (which I still do, not going to lie)

We do circuits and its lots of fun! I really enjoy that hour I’m working out and in that hour I know I’m doing something good for myself. Its when I get home I worry. When I’m home there is always food around. Since paying for my workouts I’ve had more of a conscience about needing to now eat better, I see it if I’m paying to work out I shouldn’t waist it by eating like crap all the time. Ive been really good with my health, which has made me extremely happy about what I’m doing. I even went to the gym on my own today and did 40 min of cardio! I have a hard time going to the gym by myself ( I know a lot of people do, and I’m one of them) I went and it was great! My gym just got a stair master and it whipped my ass, I was only able to do 10 min on it! I did burn 100 cal, so I figure as I continue to use it I will build up my stamina for it. I guess Im mainly worrying the last two days.

I usually get really bloated a week before my period, but this time around I didn’t ( due to me being healthy/ working out with my personal trainer). Fast forward to yesterday, I was feeling all my usual symptoms of my period starting. Just a bit funny after the removal of my fibroids ( I’ve had surgery to remove fibroids that were terrible, I can write a post about that). With my period comes a totally relief of all the bloat that has blessed me the week before and I feel great. This week, it didn’t happen. Yesterday I did not get my period. I was worried but then knew that some times my period comes on Friday (rare, my period has always come one the same day since being on the pill. Before my fibroids started acting up, even within the same hour!!) Today however I did get it. What worries me is that after my fibroid surgery its been super lite. Like one day super light. Live only needing a panty liner light. I was happy because I knew I would loose all the bloat I have gained just in the last day or two ( rare based on how I usually get my period).  No bloat was lost, no clue why. Im worried that because of this I will never be able to loose weight and ill just stay bloated forever and therefore stay at 180-183 forever!! What if my super lite period means Ill never be able to have children?!?!!?! I guess thats what I’m really worried about, not being able to have children and loose weight.

Does anyone know what happens to a woman period after fibroids are removed? Do they become lighter/ skip a period every once and a while? Really worried they will return one day. That was not a fun three months of my life.

Sorry if there are lots of spelling errors, I am dyslexic and its been a stressful day. Writing this raw not worrying (LOL) about spelling or grammar.

Welcome to my world

Hello! my name is Julia and this is where I will share all my thoughts about what its like living in my world. A world that has its ups but also has a lot of downs.

 Where to begin. Does anyone really know where to begin when telling someone about themselves? I certainly don’t. I guess Ill start with the basics.

 I live in Canada.I have just turned 30 and am still living at home with my mother. Is this a surprise to anyone? Maybe what is surprising is that my boyfriend of 3 and a half years lives with us. No, not surprising? Didn’t think so. This is what happens nowadays when you are a millennial and live in a big city I guess.

​I also have my RECE (Early Childhood Education). Do I have a full time job? scroll back up to where I live and I think you can guess that NOPE! no full time job for me. Im a supply at a childcare centre I love and am too scared to leave.

​When I’m not working I love to read. I will pretty much read anything. If you tell me enough times that you think I should read a book I probably will.

​Also I have a wonderful Learning disability (Dyslexia, had to look the spelling up of that word.)  that probably will make editing this interesting (maybe I won’t edit it! Probably should if I want people to read this though)

​I have also struggled with my weight for all of my teen years, and most of my 20’s. I never thought of myself as obese though. when I was 26 I was able to loose about 45-50 lb, which is awesome. I have only gained 10ish back. Im struggling with loosing those 10 lb and then continue to loose more.  I also have PCOS ( Poly Cystic Ovarian syndrome) which for most women causes hair loss and weight gain. I thankfully don’t have to deal with that.

​I think that wraps it up about me. I really wanted to start this blog so I could talk about all 5 of these main areas of my life, plus added extras of course. Hopefully this blog helps me, and hopefully you come to terms that being who we are is ok.